[“Torch Song” by Yoko Kanno]

Crappers, talk about weeks of procrastination! Well, I finally got into gear, reviewed the storyboards and decided to finish this 2nd demo for our project once and for all. How far did I go? Not far, but I am confident I can have all 15 pages done before the ‘deadline’.

[satisfying sigh] That’s the thing about me. I may not be well-rounded enough on my skill set and talent, but I am pretty quick to find an alternative and complete the solution.

Anyway, as the title of this entry entails – the “2nd Revision”.

Early yesterday, I had one massive entry with the same title, but decided to shove it back into draft mode and start anew. Unlike the other one however, this one will be short and will get right to the point, rather than analysing the entire topic and give a summary. The thing is, if I wasn’t sure of myself in that way, then I wouldn’t have lasted this long, following this path, or this similar path doing what I have always done, and being the way I ‘should’ be. In other words, I rather change myself for a natural phenomena than change myself for an artificial ego.


^^ HOT!

These are terms I have set for myself btw.

The topic was between a female friend and myself. I won’t name her here, in case it sets aflame some flammable nuts amidst the not-so-crowded room. Basically the point of the conversation was how I can ‘improve’ myself in terms of physique. This is something that has always been known as long as since mid-high school – circa grade 10+.


^^ Sup nigga.

During highschool, I minded enough to be bothered on how I looked amongst other students, but I wasn’t bothered enough with it to change myself that way. It wasn’t a part of the natural phenomena. Have I ever tried to make myself look ‘good’ in some people’s eyes? No. I have never tried to make myself look good for anyone but myself. Have I ever tried to dress or groom myself the way I thought others would accept me more? No, I have always groomed and dressed myself in a way that I feel the most comfortable. Meaning, I will only mostly wear something that feels soft, not-restrictive, not tight, etc, etc.


^^ Yeah…

Now, I was born slender, as opposed to my brother who was naturally big. Throughout the years, my bro ate loads while I ate little. My mom had over the years, proclaimed that I didn’t like to eat. I would like to correct her. It’s not that I didn’t like to eat. It was because I wasn’t excited of eating the stuff she or most people made. Like I said to Albert or my DaiLo, “If you ask me what I would like to eat, I would just say “whatever”. Why? Cuz the stuff I like to eat are out of your spectrum of cost, and it’s out of the spectrum of location.” If I have the opportunity to choose the things I want to eat, I would choose something that my taste buds like, and it’s not something that can easily be bought at the Keg or at Red Robin’s, etc. When it comes to favorable foods, I have a very specific taste, and despite the cost and location, that specific taste is very picky. However, since I try to never answer where or what I would like to eat when out with friends and family, I keep most of that pickiness to myself and simply answer, “Whatever”.


^^ Leo & Albert.

Albert once said that I eat for the environment more so than the food itself. Well, if the environment doesn’t bode well for my mood, then whatever I eat will not taste as good for me. Eg: the first hotpot place I went to in HK was way too noisy and too crowded. I’m sure the food would have tasted better if it wasn’t so noisy and crowded.

Anyway, when Laura introduced me to Avocado slushy from Dragonball, that was awesome. I love avocado, if it’s done right.

This actually reminds me of what Carlo said to me a long time ago, that he never asked me to go to the bar or pub with him and his friends because he thought I would ask to go to an expensive place, since I have an insatiable taste for fine wines. I laughed and told him that unless I am asked on where to go to fulfill my taste buds, I’ll go any where. If that’s Red Robins or Boston Steak House, then fine, whatever. If that’s Foggy Dew or Sammy J’s, then whatever. However, say one day, Emma calls me up and asks me to take her to a place where I can satisfy my taste buds for booze, I would probably take her to the Okanagan and try the wines at Jackson Triggs.


^^ Sup Ed?

Yes, I am like that, but because of my current financial situation and other obstacles, I can’t do what I want and when I want.


Wow, I am so off-topic. [sigh]

So back to natural phenomena and artificial ego, if we take Melvin Wong for example, he went from a chubby kid to a muscular asian guy with low stamina. A lot of guys build up their bodies, but you will never see them run or bike a hundred kilometres in a day. On the other hand, I’m a slender guy with little fat, but you will see me ride a hundred kilometres in one day. Heck, I can ride 52 km’s in 4.5 hours, and that’s WITH breaks, traffic, and lights. He made himself look great, dress great, and make good money to make him look artificially more appealing. That is artificial ego. However, if you ask him to hike up friggin Garibaldi, he would probably die and roll down about five kilometres up. Mind you, I’ve never gone hiking with him before. The only hiking I’ve ever heard him do is Grouse Grind, and that isn’t much of a hike in the first place.


^^ I miss the guy. He’s Benny. 8]

The only thing close to being natural for him is eating, gaining mass, and exercising. However, if you put him on the tennis court against Albert or Patrick, he would most likely lose the game without scoring a single shot. Yes, Albert and Patrick has had some formal training, but they have the natural phenomena of having that affinity to tennis – more so Patrick. The only real good thing about Melvin’s largeness would be his ability to intimidate and probably crush you into a tiny ball if he was mad enough.

On the other hand, if I were to intimidate anyone, it would most likely NOT come from my physique, unless of course, I scare them to death with my ugliness. Then again, from the various people I’ve met who said I was ugly, their main ‘concern’ was that I was too slender. Well, that is my natural phenomena. Just like Edmund, I can eat lots, but gain a few pounds in a few months. It’s just not a natural phenomena for me to gain like friggin 50 pounds in a year. It’s not a part of my genes.

If I were to intimidate anyone, it would come from within, and with the influences I have in the corporate and inter-family world. What’s more potent? Having a big guy crush you into a little ball, or have an entire corporate entity assassinate your ass, while transfer all of your savings elsewhere, possibly hacking into their records and stealing all their personal data – eg: social insurance number, bank account info, health records, etc…?

[laughs] Mind you, the above is just a general example. 8]

It is a natural phenomena that there are some ‘hot’ looking guys out in this world who use their looks to get some the things they want. Then there is the natural phenomena where people like me in this world who use their minds, wit, and ‘political’ influences to get what we want. What’s easier? Obviously, having killer looks is easier to get the women you want, but it’s not nearly as gratifying. Using your mind and your wits to get the things you want, while permitting certain obstacles in other people’s ways, and creating a chain of events to happen at certain times under your influence may take more effort, but the duration and end result creates a real sense of achievement.


^^ Jessica and her two crazy friends.

So back to my conversation with my female friend on ‘improving’ oneself’s physical appeal, I think I would actively try to make myself look healthier by eating more, exercising more, doing weights more IF I felt it was a natural phenomena for me to do so. Since for me to eat more, exercise more, doing weights more would mainly be because I want to attract females to me for sex or some form of intimate relationship, this reason alone does not motivate me enough to initiate the effort.

I didn’t take up weight training and cycling in early 2003 because I wanted to build myself up to look good for the ladies. I took up weight training because I wanted to be better in hiking, climbing, and carrying 30 to 40 pound bags and camping gear. I took up cycling because I enjoyed it, and I saw possibilities in competitions and such. Being outdoors is awesome, especially this summer with Pat, doing mountain biking, etc was so fun and challenging!

In the process, I might have looked healthier, ate more to compensate for the energy needs, became physically more ‘appealing’ due to my strenuous exercising, but all these things were the result of natural phenomena, and not artificial ego. Thus in conclusion, as I have always felt since back in mid-high school, I am not going to make myself ‘look better’ physically just because a few females think I would look better, that they would look better if they dated me, or that it would be better for me to be more meatier.


^^ My bro Edmond and his coolio friends.

Yes, there are personal preferences for sexual appeal – initial and ongoing, but I rather concentrate my efforts on the things that mean more to me than gain a few pounds, build up my muscles, and look good for the ladies. To me, that just simply feels stupid and petty. I have family and my career to think about. I am in a managerial position that I need to continuously upgrade my skills and practice my talents. I have to exercise my legs for my planned 2011 ride to Eastern Canada. I gotta stay healthy so I can take care of my family in the future, take over the obligations, possibly create opportunities for my brothers and sisters, etc.

Albert is the way he is, because he was able to find a balance between artificial ego and natural phenomena, just as Jon, Benny, Patrick, and many of my male friends have, just as Jessica has. She is just naturally beautiful. [smiles] She just is.

[“Pulse” by Yoko Kanno]

Talk about hidden regrets… [laughs cynically]



Add yours
  1. 1

    Isn’t it funny our ultimate goal is to be happy.You wish you can put on weight,and have tried everything,exercised more,weights,cycled and eaten more to compensate energy loss so you don’t loose weight.But if you were to look like rambo tomorrow,you still would not be happy because its not the weight.What are you searching for?

  2. 2

    Well, I’m not happy with myself not because of how I look but because of what I am lacking. I’m lacking in financial stability and the company I work with hasn’t taken off the runway yet, plus I am not physically as strong as I want to be, nor is my stamina as good as it used to be.

    It’s not that I am searching for anything. Instead, I am just open to whatever. If things come, then they come. If they don’t, my reasons for effort would mainly be for other areas where I can find happiness and gratification in – eg: taking a Kona Dawg to Seymore Mountain and actually successfully riding the trails there, and/or establishing my corporate foundation and take over all the obligations of my family, then when the time comes, create opportunities for my friends and family to gain more influence in their sector.


    I think the point of the entry was to reconfirm my thoughts since day 1 of knowing about what I am naturally capable of and what I unwilling to do if the sake of doing does not benefit me first in the things that are the most satisfying for me. Where as most people view being big and muscular as a primary satisfaction, this aspect of the world is very secondary to me. With the life-time medication I am taking, and was taking since my late teens, I could be some muscle freak if I wanted to, but I chose not to – it takes the type of effort in which I would not enjoy doing.

    One thing I would however like to improve on are probably my forearms, as they are disproportionate to the rest of my body. Plus, I always feared breaking them when I carrying heavy things for long periods of time. As far as physical refinement goes, that will just have to come with the sports I like to do. If they don’t happen, then they don’t happen. I didn’t take up mountain biking because I want to look cool. I took it up cuz it’s fun. 8]

  3. 3

    Meat market?? Well where’s the MEAT?!! You know better than to post a heading like that to a meat-lover like me!! I was ready to drool over beef sirloin tips, pork flanks, chicken breasts (giggles) and the like!! *slumps shoulders and head in disappointment* *sigh*

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