The Pursuit Of Happyness is one of my favorite movies. I must have watched that two dozen times in the last three years. At the end of the movie, Chris Gardner gets his break in life.

I wonder if I already had mine and whether I ‘failed’ it. Sometimes, I feel that I already had it and had that chance or those chances already, but my inability to push myself to higher limits have caused me to lose out on their opportunistic results. I am still like that, but I have a different mentality and goals in life.

Often times, I wish I wasn’t this way. If I could extract a vial of each person I know in my life, I would, to help boost my confidence, will power and energy.

I hope my liver is fine and that it can be healed. I do not want to live my last days knowing it is my parents that must bury their child first. I think no parent wants to ever experience that and each parent actually wants to see and know their child outlives them, to go on to do things, often times, live in a better life than the ones they had.

I asked myself: will I be able to continue living, to fulfill some of the dreams I had or will I be dead in a couple of years because of my inability to stop myself from drinking that one last shot of hard liquor?

There is no fear of dying. There is only fear of the repercussions of it may bring during the process of dying and afterward. More specifically, what my family will go through. Death to me will be a release, but it will not release those around me and instead burden them. Maybe my death will teach people like Brandon to stop being an idiot at 16 and drink himself silly.

There is always something to look forward to. You just need to get some will power and get out of your situation. If all you do is make excuses to set yourself back, then you will never find opportunity. On the other hand, if fear and the unknown hold you back, seek someone or some people to help you. Seeking a helping hand or two to get yourself up on your feet, is a lot better than sitting on your ass feeling sorry for yourself and allowing pride to hold you down.

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