Diminishing Oneself Because Society Says You’re Beautiful

Last year, Patrick told me his former fuck buddy mentioned that it didn’t make any sense, that he would have any issues finding a girlfriend coinciding his looks. Patrick interpreted that statement as a good thing, because it meant he’s good looking and it’s true he can just easily use his good looks to get whatever he wants.

This actually disappointed me, because of all people, he should know just because someone is good looking, it doesn’t brush away the fact that they could also have problems unrelated to their looks. Confidence is almost always not about how one looks. Confidence is always about how one feels about themselves. Those feelings could stem from a myriad of things such as wisdom, intelligence, perception, trauma, failure, competition, being stepped on, being demeaned, being lost, etc. Patrick, for most of his life, lived in his father’s shadow who constantly praised other peoples’ sons and daughters, always putting them on high pedestals of success and great wealth. Patrick always felt like he needed to be as great, or his father wouldn’t appreciate him.

I told Laura once a long time ago, that I feel like Patrick is good at tennis and other outdoor sports due to his regimen and routine, because he conditions control upon those things. His abilities can be seen and experienced through his own actions. Whereas things like career, money, and growth can take a long time. Even then, because success in career, wealth gain, and growth are so subjective, ultimately, he struggles with what he deems personally satisfying, with that of how he perceives his father to perceive him in life. Don’t get me started on how often I spoke to Uncle Dick about his son, and how he should never try to compare the success of others with the success of his son. I have on many occasions try to open up Uncle Dick’s mind on how success should be seen on a personal level, than a competitive one.

For example, I once mentioned that Desy’s company became super successful. Uncle Dick asked how much money they made last year, and I said it’s not relevant, but it should be in the mid six figures. His response was, “So what? Air Canada made 5 billion last year.”

I blinked at him blankly and said, “Firstly, Air Canada is a 47 year old corporation with 15,000 employees that deals in global air transport. Desy’s company of 7 people was opened less than 2 years ago that deals with photography and video in North America. Secondly, by your logic, you’re a total failure and so am I. Yet you praise the sons and daughters of your friends that they all are successful in what they do. I doubt all of them are as ‘successful’ as Air Canada by your standards.”

To say the least, I shut him up with that statement. Mind you, Patrick has lived on his own for a long time when he moved back to Toronto. While he wasn’t making six figures, he was doing well for himself in relationship to his lifestyle and overall growth. Basically, Patrick grew up on his own time and really, that’s all that matters. It means he has room to grow even further. His father finally recognized that, but I hope Uncle Dick will continue with that mindset of relative personal growth, rather than competition.

Regardless, Amber chimed in about how absurd society sees beautiful people. It creates such a major burden on them, that somehow because they are socially arousing to view, it doesn’t make sense they should have any problems. In other words, society diminishes the fact that all people have problems, and not just ugly or average looking people. Amber remarked, “Basing a person’s success chances in romance on their looks alone, completely dismisses the fact that some people have problems with opening up or being vulnerable. Their insecurities often times, have nothing to do with looks. She (Pat’s ex fuck buddy) made a statement that not only, like you said, objectifies him and diminishes the person behind the looks, but also implies that looks alone is all you need to have a relationship. It was a superficial statement.“