To be inspired, yet unmotivated

Often times, I have a few things happening in my mind throughout the day, but once I get home, the motivation to put them on my blog fades away drastically. It’s truly a strange feeling because I used to post so much so often, yet now, when I know something is hilarious or inspiring, I cannot get it into my blog. It’s possible I have evolved from my blog, but at the same time, I feel it’s a part of me.

I think what it could be is that I’ve lost things along the way, so for my blog to still be around, is like a ghost of my past without much substance. While there are a lot of thoughts I would love to share with the world, I find that I am unable to exert any energy into something I once loved. I think some part of it has to do with the indifference my wife shows me towards everything I do. I also think some part of it has to do with the fact my friends no longer visit my blog. It’s also possible that another part of it is because the blog itself cannot truly evolve, when I do. It’s not a stepping stone to something else. It’s just a place to store thoughts.

If something affects me immediately, then I can react to it immediately, but if something requires some effort and a waiting period, then I have no motivation to continue with it. Also, another thing is that I have many different blogs that cover separate themes. I have to often think which blog to put what in and whether the audience there would accept that sort of topic. At Leemanism, I used to post most of my thoughts here. Over time, those categories of my mind dissipated and posts were unpublished. Today, I feel like I could do more for it, yet there’s also a part of me that don’t want to outright say it.

I want to be honest, but then people who normally did read my posts would become alienated or upset or angry or some other negative emotion. I wish someone can confirm my thoughts and tell me, “It’s okay Lee, just say it how you mean it.” But when I do, I know that people will stop visiting or they will get upset, etc. It’s a lose-lose situation.

Such is life and such is married life.